Act I
Action takes place on a terrace. Vanka and Yura sit on chairs.
VANKA
Good evening. My name is Vanka.
YURA
Good evening. This is Vanka and I am Yura. In short, I am Vanka's taking care of Vanka’s closet. Well, don't think of me like a servant or a slave. I am caretaker quite literally - the one who takes care that everything would be in order. And do you know what is an order?
VANKA
Order is when things are in their places? Order is when everything is clean?
YURA
Order is harmony.
VANKA
And what is harmony?
YURA
Harmony is a wooden hanger, clothes don't slip off. I am a very important character because when there is no order in a human, everyone notices it right away. Everyone understands that something is wrong to the person. And it shouldn't be like this. No one should know that something is wrong. (pause) Haven't you heard the legend of The Balcony of the Saints, the place where only chosen ones are, where life goes on according to perfect rules. No, you really haven't heard about it, because that place was created by Vanka. When she was a kid. Everything is justified there. Everything is okay there. Like it should be. Vanka likes Balcony of the Saints because she, like most of us, likes to lie to herself. (pause) Also she likes when somebody else makes decisions for her. When Vanka needed a new dress or new jeans, she used to go to the shop with her mother. Mother would pick some, Vanka tried them on and then the judge of the world would announce the verdict:
VANKA
This one.
YURA
Or:
VANKA
That one.
YURA
Or:
VANKA
Let's go to the other shop, there's nothing here.
YURA
You probably are wondering why Vanka is like this. (looks at Vanka) She won't tell you that. Or she would reply that it's her:
VANKA
Nature.
YURA
Or:
VANKA
Personality type.
YURA
She keeps a lot of things from me, too. And it is very important what you say to people around you. It doesn’t have to reveal what you have or have not done.
VANKA
Why are you telling them all this?
YURA
What do you mean?
VANKA
About me. Why you always tell everything?
YURA
Vanka, these people came here to listen what I have to say about you.
VANKA
They are going to be bored by it soon. They need action, intrigue. And it’s not there.
YURA
Maybe only you think so? (pause) So, let’s start with Vanka’s favorite dress. Its material was very light and flowery.
VANKA
Even before it was warm enough to go outside with it, I was always asking mom if I could wear it. But now it is too small.
YURA
No reason to wait for spring anymore.
VANKA
There is, there always is.
YURA
Like?
VANKA
In spring it is warmer than in winter.
YURA
What’s the point of the warmth if you can’t wear you favorite dress?
VANKA
I like spring. Period. And what the dress has to do with it, after all?
YURA
Admit that you wait for the spring because then you feel beautiful. Do you remember your red raincoat?
VANKA
I was wearing it when I fell into the puddle. I was soaking wet. I was going to a concert.
YURA
When was the last time you fell into a puddle?
VANKA
I don’t remember.
YURA
And when was the last time you went to a concert?
VANKA
I don’t remember.
YURA
You rarely fall now. In general, not only in the rain.
VANKA
I am pretty stable.
YURA
You see meaning in getting paid every month and paying the taxes.
VANKA
Wheel mechanism is meaningful.
YURA
And going to concerts is not?
VANKA
You can watch it online.
YURA
Your mother wouldn’t say that.
VANKA
Don’t talk about her.
YURA
But that is why I am here. And how about this wedding dress?
VANKA
It’s also mother’s.
YURA
That was the happiest day in her life. It would fit you perfectly.
VANKA
I don’t want anything what was hers.
YURA
She is your mother.
VANKA
Don’t say that word.
YURA
She is your mother. She is your mother. She is your mother.
VANKA
The dress is too big for me.
YURA
You haven’t caught up to your mother, have you? Huh?
VANKA
I haven’t. I am still a little girl. My mother was a great person.
YURA
There was fire in her eyes.
VANKA
Let’s not talk about her.
YURA
That’s what I am here for. And you as always are running away from things you don’t want to hear. You don’t run, you crawl inside. You’re right, you are very little. There are only two drops of water in your eyes.
VANKA
It’s tears.
YURA
There’s no need to cry. It’s just water. Water extinguishes fire.
VANKA
There’s no fire anyway.
YURA
You mother had it but you extinguished that as well. How about these ripped jeans with holes on knees? Mother was angry when you did that.
VANKA
Mother was angry about a lot of things.
YURA
Now you can rip all your clothes.
VANKA
I don't want to.
YURA
Well, try, rip, you will like that. Rip as much as you want. Do you remember anything?
VANKA
You. I remember you not letting me to live peacefully. You always nag me, always remind me things I want to forget. I was trying to get rid of you so many times but even after I ripped those jeans, on purpose, because I, too, can do things on purpose, you were after me.
YURA
It wasn’t me who was after you. You were always turning back to me to talk. Because you were feeling lonely. I just want to ask you, now, when you are truly lonely, do you realize you haven’t been like that before?
A short pause.
VANKA
But I have you, mom. I am not lonely.
YURA
Have you forgotten what you have done to her in cold blood?
VANKA
Mom, don’t talk like that.
Act II
YURA
Okay, okay. You know that saints are on your side until you hang your underwear to dry in their balcony.
VANKA
And how do you like that long black dress? Do you remember that, mom? Would you like to try it?
YURA
That’s my funeral dress.
VANKA
So what? You are already buried. There are only two dresses left, black and white.
YURA
Black and white.
VANKA
As all your life has been.
YURA
White and black.
VANKA
Wedding and funeral.
YURA
The only dress. And it doesn’t matter if it fits or not, if it is trending or not. It doesn’t even matter if it is comfortable or not. Many things were not comfortable for me - work, public transport. Uncomfortable silence. Uncomfortable husband. Husband. I used to wear him, too. Like a piece of clothes, I used to wear him everyday. I never put him in the closet, I was always making effort for him. Trendy like underwear. Such everyday thing that sometimes you even forget you have it.
VANKA
I remember this cashmere sweater very well. You loved it very much.
YURA
Your father gave it to me. I rarely wore it, I wanted to keep it as new for a long time. Luxurious things must be kept safe.
VANKA
Luxurious thing is still a thing.
YURA
So why do you get used to it so much?
VANKA
You taught me to. But now you finally can wear whatever you like whenever you like to.
YURA
You’re right. It suits me so well.
VANKA
It doesn’t matter now anyways.
YURA
Could there be a more a beautiful sweater? And it’s cashmere. You know that I always loved luxurious materials and textures. It reminds me of father. He loved to give me clothes I wouldn’t allow myself to buy otherwise. I thanked him so rarely. I would hang it in the closet, still new, I would say ‘Thanks’ and wouldn’t take it out until some event. Maybe he didn’t even know that I love these things. There were so little events for us, ordinary people… Your father was putting too much effort for me, it wasn’t worth to. I wasn’t an understanding one.
VANKA
Where is this raincoat from?
YURA
There are so many things I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry, there wasn’t enough time.
VANKA
Was it my father’s?
YURA
Valentine’s.
VANKA
Did you love him?
YURA
I did, but he left.
VANKA
Who was he, mom?
YURA
I was always embarrassed. And too scared to tell you something intimate. I think, you always were little to me.
VANKA
I was always afraid of you, too. You were my biggest phobia I never managed to cure.
YURA
Phobias are cured with fear.
VANKA
I never overcame the fear of talking to you. Who was…
YURA
Valentine was my true love. It’s cruel, right?
VANKA
Mom, but…
YURA
Your father used to beat me up.
VANKA
Why didn’t you tell me anything?
YURA
Saints are on your side until you hand your underwear to dry in their balcony. It is the most important not to show your misfortunes to anyone. It is the most important to look happy.
VANKA
Did you love my father?
YURA
Of course. He became my husband in this asphalt grey jacket. Do you know what it means? My dress, my cashmere sweater, my husband…
VANKA
Mom, do you remember when I wrote a poem for dad? No, you don’t. I didn’t even show it to you. Dad kept it in a pocket in his jacket.
YURA
Maybe he kept it deeper, in his heart. I have pockets there, too.
VANKA
Mom, listen to it.
I am so imperfect
Little human
Who lives on an imperfect block
Only sometimes do I remember
Your paternal arms,
So perfect.
So perfect
As I would like to be someday,
And my block then would be perfect, too.
YURA
Your paternal arms, so perfect.
VANKA
Dad, you were perfect. You are perfect.
YURA
So perfect as I would like to be someday.
VANKA
Dad, but you ARE perfect!
YURA
What does it mean to be perfect? I’m not perfect.
VANKA
You are.
YURA
I haven’t even got a school diploma. I’m just a typical simple human being. We, ordinary people, don’t have many opportunities to wear nice clothes. My life also was an ordinary one.
VANKA
I don’t care.
YURA
Shouldn’t the very best be worshiped like that?
VANKA
Weren’t you like that?
YURA
Vanka, there we so much you didn’t have. You grew up poor. And it was my fault. You shouldn’t think I was perfect.
VANKA
I never I lacked a thing. Dad, do you remember your woolen scarf with squares?
YURA
I remember.
VANKA
When I got cold and we went to see the doctor you carefully wrapped it around me. And you didn’t have another one. You went there with a bare neck and I had yours and mine underneath it. It was a snowstorm then. Do you remember that snow?
YURA
I have always used to say, if you can give something - give it. It is the best thing you can do.
VANKA
Yes, yes, yes. But I didn’t learn to give. I had the best teacher. But the lesson was too hard.
YURA
There are lessons you are not meant to learn from. I, for example, never learned to be angry. To get seriously angry. I was too good for everyone. And not everyone deserved that.
VANKA
But you were angry.
YURA
Very rarely and only for a short while. I was annoyed. I never was really angry. That’s why I didn’t get mad at your mother. And her Valentine.
VANKA
You knew everything?
YURA
I know what she has told you, too. Everything. I never hit her. Even now she dared to lie to you. As when she was alive. And I never got angry as a live person.
VANKA
Do you remember my tattoo?
YURA
Yes. Mother was against it.
VANKA
You know what? I had it done anyway. I didn’t really care that you didn’t let me to. I wanted to have an eternal secret you two wouldn’t find out.
YURA
Well, I knew that anyway.
VANKA
How?
YURA
Vanka, you see, you only thought you could have secrets from us. But you are us. You made us immortal. Before you killed us.
VANKA
Why didn’t you tell me anything then?
YURA
Why should I have? You did what you wanted. And people like you can’t be told what to do.
VANKA
But I paid attention. I always did what you told me to.
YURA
girl. Only not always did we tell you to do what you did. But it’s just details. Never give them too much attention.
VANKA
Okay, Dad.
YURA
Now no one can tell you what to do. You always wanted to be on your own. And this drawing, to be honest, still looks stupid. Well, just a zebra, an animal.
VANKA
But I like it.
YURA
But it’s just… Black and white…
VANKA
So?
YURA
Well, that’s boring… Just…
For a while Vanka watches Yura as if both are back to selves from being characters.
Act III
VANKA
It feels like you don’t have anything else to say.
YURA
I have. Do you?
VANKA
You are annoying me. Why did you invite everyone if you are not going to tell anything to them?
YURA
But you wanted that yourself. You said you wanted all town to know that you were a loser.
VANKA
I am a loser.
YURA
You are.
VANKA
Why? It was you who made me like this.
YURA
Me? I always tried to run away from you. But you always needed me. You were depending on that inner demon. Without me you would be nothing.
VANKA
Without you I wouldn’t be a killer. You made behave like this. You made me not to love anyone.
YURA
You were always like this. You always said:
VANKA
That’s my temper.
YURA
Or:
VANKA
My personality type.
YURA
What do I have to do with that?
VANKA
Leave, I want to be better, but you don’t let me.
YURA
But...
VANKA
Leave!
YURA
Maybe you should leave? Or is there anything else you would like to say?
VANKA
You want me to go mad?
YURA
You think that’s easy?
VANKA
You do my thinking, you tell.
YURA
Vanka, are you happy?
VANKA
Why are you asking? It’s too late. Everyone I have ever loved is gone. You took care of that. Should I thank you? Or maybe I should write you a poem, huh? It will be the second I have ever written.
I want to thank the hand
Which held the glass
When I was pouring poison.
I want to thank the thought,
The devil who is always with me.
I am not completely alone yet.
I am thankful
To have someone who puts things in order in me.
YURA
Vanka, is it for me? It’s… Very beautiful. But I liked your father. He was a good man. And your mother. (Smiles) She has always used to say that the saints are always on your side until you hang your underwear to dry in their balcony, remember? Do you know what it means?
VANKA
I know. If you keep your problems for yourself, everyone will know you are happy.
YURA
She didn’t even put her underwear in her balcony. No one saw it. She didn’t like openness. She was very reserved.
VANKA
She used to say that she had pockets in her heart. But I never knew what’s inside them.
YURA
But you know that in her coat pocket there is a red lipstick.
VANKA
I am so imperfect
Little human
Who lives on an imperfect block
Only sometimes do I remember
Your female scent,
Your lipsticks,
Purses and shoes,
So perfect,
You’ve been saving for…
So perfect as I would like to be one day, too.
YURA
You got the best from her.
VANKA
I didn’t get it, I took it. What can be worse than killing your own mother?
YURA
To kill the father, too.
VANKA
So… I’m damned.
Act IV
YURA
When did it start?
VANKA
What?
YURA
When did you start feeling the symptoms?
VANKA
What symptoms? It’s not symptoms, it’s my life.
YURA
Well, you are saying that you have killed your parents.
VANKA
Yes. I did that.
Yura smiles.
YURA
Well, but that is impossible.
VANKA
It is hardly imaginable but not impossible.
YURA
Miss, let me remind you that you live in time where parents don’t exist.
VANKA
They exist! Only I killed mine.
YURA
You mean people who gave birth to you? It is still impossible, because you don’t know them.
VANKA
They brought me up, I know them well.
YURA
Miss, in our days no one is bringing up their kids. You can’t have parents. You only have one gene in your mind. It is responsible for your up-bringing and self-consciousness.
VANKA
My parents are real! Here are their clothes, you must believe me!
YURA
People do not own things. They don’t get attached to anything. Your system must be malfunctioning. It’s understandable. It happens sometimes.
VANKA
I don’t have any system.
YURA
I can give you to the highest checking department. They will check your identity there.
VANKA
I...
YURA
You.
VANKA
I… Ju...
YURA
You do not exist. You are not on this age list.
VANKA
What age is it now?
YURA
The best times of the humanity.
VANKA
But there are no such times…
YURA
There are no such you.
VANKA
But if you are talking to me.
YURA
Yes, physically you are here, but that is that. Maybe you have been lost in time. Maybe you wandered down the memory lane?
VANKA
I didn’t wander. I just… Me and Yura were cleaning up the closet.
YURA
It’s all clear now. You were not at your time and place. You lost your consciousness and went to different ages. It happens sometimes.
VANKA
But I just… I was just talking to myself.
YURA
Yes yes, it happens.
VANKA
But is it… Does it always happen?
YURA
Well... Not always, just sometimes.
Vanka looks around.
VANKA
Where am I? What is this place? What is this city?
YURA
This is the Balcony of the Saints.
VANKA
But… There is no Balcony of the Saints, I made it up.
YURA
And that is why it exists.
VANKA
And who are these… People? There, down there, at the city.
YURA
Yes, there are people. Just people. They don’t go here.
VANKA
So why am I here?
YURA
Well, here in the Balcony of the Saints, here is only one rule. Let me remind you that you cannot ask the question “why?”. It means distrust. You are not allowed to distrust the system. System is correct.
VANKA
But I don’t want to be here. I am not a saint.
Yura smiles.
YURA
You are the chosen one. It happens sometimes.
VANKA
But why only I got lucky?
Yura smiles.
YURA
You know why I smile. Forget the word “why”. It doesn’t exist in this age.
VANKA
Okay, then just tell me what I have to do as the chosen one.
YURA
Forget the words “have to”. You don’t have to do anything. But you can. You can do anything you want. That is the specialty of the Balcony of the Saints.
VANKA
No, I don’t want to. I don’t want to.
YURA
Vanka. You do want it.
VANKA
To be able to do anything? Absolutely not.
YURA
Don’t be so categorical. You always wanted to achieve that. Okay, as you wish. (Pause) As you already know, Vanka killed her parents. We will reveal the circumstances. She poisoning them in small doses everyday for quite some time. She was poisoning them in every possible way. Even with words. Vanka…
VANKA
Stop it, why do you tell them everything?
YURA
These people came here to listen to what I have to say about you. To listen about you poisoning people, most dear to you and how sorry you are and etc. So they are able to abandon their thoughts like that before it came true. They need that. They want to be better. Vanka, tell them it’s not too late.
VANKA
Stop it, Yura, I am not preaching anything.
YURA
You are in the Balcony of the Saints. You must.
VANKA
In the Balcony of the Saints no one must do anything. I made up this place.
YURA
In general, no one must do anything. But let’s not get into it.
VANKA
Well, that’s it. Can we finish this?
YURA
Wait, there still is one page.
VANKA
For you there always is one more page.
YURA
Calm down, Vanka. There is no rush in the Balcony of the Saints. Order is the most important. You know that?
VANKA
Neatness is harmony.
YURA
What is harmony?
VANKA
Harmony is a wooden hanger.
YURA
Harmony is a wooden hanger that clothes don’t slip off. Neatness is very important. It hides the cons and stresses the pros. People must see only the pros. When there is no neatness in a person, everyone notices it straight away. It shouldn’t be like this. No one must know when something is wrong for you.
The end of the play.
