Characters:
(S) Student Jacob
(Si) Student’s sister
(I) Interrogator Robert
(Inscription of the stage: Dreams of a morbid person often are lucid, bright, picturesque and incredibly similar to reality. The images are never seen or heard before to the dreamer but the environment and the process of the events in the dream are so believable and so are subtle, unexpected but artistically suitable details that the dreamer wouldn’t be able to think of while awake, even if he was Pushkin or Turgenev. Dreams like this, lucid, morbid dreams, are always remembered for a long time and have a strong impression on a confused and worried human. F. D. “Crime and punishment”)
Interrogator: I have known him for 18 months. Gloomy, grim, cocky and proud. And lately (or maybe he has been before) he is suspicious hypochondriac. Kind and good. Doesn't like to show his feelings and is more likely to do some evil than to show what’s in his heart. By the way, sometimes he is nothing like hypochondriac but just a cold and emotionless, to the level of inhumanity, as if there were two persons in him. And he’s very taciturn from time to time! He never has time, everything’s in his way and he’s not doing anything himself. He doesn't like to laugh and not because he lacks the wit but it’s more likely that he has no time for things like that. He’s not hearing out what others are saying. He never has interest in things others are interested in. He’s thinking high of himself and it seems that he has right to feel this way. And what else? I think your arrival here will have a good influence on him.
ACT I
SCENE I
(Interrogation room or a room for similar purpose)
(S) I...
(I) Why did you do this? Well…
(S) I... I’m not sure.
(I) Okay, tell me.
(S) It’s not my version.
(I) Whose is it?
(S) I want to say that it is not a version.
(I) Tell me.
(S) But first you must believe I am real.
(I) I believe.
(S) Yes, we are… (can’t finish the sentence)
(I) Yes, we have met.
(S) Yes. (Pause)
Now listen to me. (composes himself)
You understand that I haven’t talked to anybody for a long time.
You, too. You know, to honestly talk.
Even if we…
(I) Know each other…
(S) Now you are listening to me.
(I) Yes…
(S) Yes.
I’m tired of not understanding.
Now I do.
I know where I am.
This is my home.
I was born here, my future is prison.
Ask me why I did that!
(Silence. He turns to the audience.)
(S) I killed them.
(Pause)
I killed them. (Pause) Because I cared.
I cared about their lives but I cared even more about their death.
World, what does it mean?
Waiting only doesn't work. I’m here and I’m not waiting for anything.
I see perfect beauty in death.
These sitting bodies became perfectly beautiful once I realized they are dead.
I feel never ending joy. I don’t feel anxiety anymore.
(I) You haven’t killed anyone!
(S) I’m talking to you. Only to you.
(I) Go home. (pause) Go…
(S) I will talk only to you!
(I) Fuck off.
(S) To you!
(I) I don't need your stories.
(S) You don’t understand.
(I) You’re right, I don't. (Pause)
Okay, who did you kill?
(S) A man. And a woman.
(I) A man and a woman?! In a bar?
(S) Yes.
(I) They are alive.
(S) No. They are dead.
(I) They are alive. It was not real. And you know it well… They were actors… On a set. You and me both were there. What do you want?
(S) I am sure.
(I) They are alive.
(S) No. They are dead. (Pause)
Is my sister here?
(I) Yes.
Please understand, I’m holding you here because…
(S) You love her? (Silence) Give me twenty minutes. And will tell you all the story what has happened today.
(I) I know. (looks at watch) It has already been twenty minutes.
(S) Twenty minutes.
SCENE II
(Room. Morning. Student lies in the bed. His sister comes back home from work after a night’s shift, dressed as a cleaner. The apartment is under construction so only one room is suitable for living.)
(Si) (Draws open the curtains) You should move a little.
Light, more light!
Such a beautiful morning! Nothing could be scary now. (sings)
Is father at work?!
Father’s at work and you? Lying here…
(She comes to him, tries to make him move, tickles him; Pause)
I was listening to music buy trolleybuses.. Vfuf... (Imitates the sound)
It slows down, then there’s junction. (Imitates the sound)
Then again. Vfuf... (Imitates the sound)
Do you remember how we used to compete who will imitate it better?
It’s easy to do cars, you used to say.
If you tried a trolleybus! You used to say.
You could do that…
Try it now, huh? Vfuf... (Imitates)
Can you do it better? Huh? (Lies down next to him)
(S) (Imitates the sound)
(Si) I won't be back tomorrow, I’ll stay over at my boyfriend’s.
(S) Boyfriend?
(Si) Uh-huh, I have one.
He wanted to come by today but I told him… Next time.
Just please, brother. Don't be repugnant!
For you he… I’m almost sure… You won’t like him straight away.
But try to know him better, okay?
Be patient with him, pretty please. And don't be arrogant!
(Pause)
(S) Why wouldn’t I like him?
(Si) He’s good at what he’s doing, he looks happy. (smiles)
People like that are stupid, vain or idiots to you.
(Pause)
He is energetic, active, very nice.
(S) So I’ll like him. Why? Look at Robert for example. He’s very energetic and who doesn't like him?
(Si) Yes, yes, I know!
He’s a little different.
He owns business, an apartment, a car.
Well, he has a little money.
(S) Ah! Well...
(Si) That’s what I was afraid of…
Please, brother, know him before judging him, okay?
I’m asking you only this!
Well, he has more than we, but that doesn't mean there can’t be love between us.
Money isn’t that…
(S) But it is important!
(Si) Why, not that important…
Everything is a bit important!
For example, you:
I love you and no one knows as much good things about you as I do.
And you’re handsome, Jacob, if you wanted, you would easily find a…
But bring a cute young creature into this room and tell her to rot with you from day to day.
She will care less about what’s inside you than life.
The real life, with its challenges and daily works.
You get it?!
You can’t love if you don’t move.
You can’t live if you don’t move.
Without life there can’t be love, Jake.
That’s why we love a person along with his life.
We become part of that life.
And if it came to be that money is more important to him than to me.
I...
You know, I just haven’t thought about that much.
That isn’t that bad.
You don’t live just for it…
(S) So it is serious?
(Si) I don't know.
I feel great with him.
(S) Aren’t you afraid you’re gonna to be disappointed? With love…
(Si) I’m not. Or maybe I am afraid…
But we have to live, Jake, we have to!
Wouldn’t you like to fall in love with someone?
(S) I don’t have time for things like that.
It only distracts me…
(Si) What? What time?! What are you doing, if you allow me to ask, so that you don't have time!?
(S) I’m working.
(Si) Working on what?
(S) On work…
(Si) What work?
(S) Thinking.
(Si) Have you thought a lot?! You should be working!
(S) I have never wanted to work for this country and I still don't. With all these taxes to work for just pennies, to work like that for over 20 years and even say thank you to them?! And what’s left goes to the uncle who’s not doing anything but just sitting in his office? No…
(Si) It’s already eleven! I don't have energy for that, I’ve worked all night.
SCENE III
(I) (comes back with a bag full of beers)
Hi. Sleeping?
(S) Beautifully sleeping?
(I) What?
(S) Do you have any tobacco?
(I) I do.
(I) Do you how tiki tiki came to be?
(There’s no answer)
Without it we would have no feelings.
Tiki tiki excites woman, it excites man.
Without tiki tiki there would be no merging.
You merge tiki tiki into pum pum,
Man, that’s pum pum.
Tickle pum pum until pum pum turns on, gets excited.
Than pum pum has to spill.
Jesus Christ, fuck me till I come.
That’s why it is tiki tiki tiki tiki, pum pum pum pum.
And than slowly, tiki tiki tiki tiki, pum pum pum pum,
Buf buf buf.
Ah! Jesus Christ, climax.
Ah? How was it, you climaxing and me coming at the same time?
You come I come, We gonna make a song!
(S) Shit yeah. Give me a beer.
(I) I have heard a story like that. About those who doesn't accept the government.
Not here, in the west.
There was a group of people. They were called… It’s not that simple… I’m a cop but I understand…
They were seen as terrorists… They saw themselves as fighters for… For freedom…
They haven’t done anything horrible. They stopped using phones. Totally…
And that raised some suspicion.
(S) They couldn't be listened.
(I) And that raised suspicion.
(S) That they are going to do something?
(I) They didn’t find out what they were going to do. But they were sentenced. Two years in prison.
(S) They didn’t do anything?
(I) They gathered together, maybe they planned something… Had secret meetings, a closed group, you know…
But nothing was proved. The main guy got three years.
(S) They didn't plan to kill anyone?
(I) No, it seems they didn’t.
(S) I like stories like that.
(I) I like stories like that. To read.
(S) Talking about murders…
Would you kill a person?
(I) There was no mention of a murder.
(S) Let’s say, in the name of your beliefs, for the better world.
If your plan could help a lot of people? Thousands, millions. And you only had to kill one person.
(I) I would kill.
(S) And if there were two?
(I) I would kill two.
(S) So maybe you would also kill ten?
(I) No, I wouldn't kill ten.
(S) But if they are (belches) bad?
(I) People aren’t bad.
(S) Wait, system is bad, right?
(I) Not the system.
(S) So what then?
(I) What are you asking about?
(S) Indifference.
(Si) (Woken up) Can you be quiet?
(S) Leave me alone, all of you.
(I) What is it, Jake?
(S) Won't you just leave me alone, you torturer! I’m not afraid of anything now, anything! I want to be alone, alone, alone!
(SI) Let’s go.
(They leave)
(S) Today, definitely today! (lies down)
Feels like someone is suppressing me.
From the side.
Wants me to be inactive, unconscious.
I’m trying to break free,
Only (pause for 1 sec), only (pause for 1 sec) I’m waiting for the right time. And time is passing.
I lock in my room, I lock in my head.
Everyday I’m repeating the same meaningless actions:
I visit stupid news websites full of propagandist shit, I check the results of the games,
I play games, I watch series.
They like it. It’s what they want.
And I also am preparing a plan. Which will blow everything here.
(At the same time Interrogator is talking with the Sister in the corridor)
(I) It’s not important. So, I just want you to know that you can…
In me…
For you I will…
Everything!
Even me…
(Takes her hand)
My heart, here, here, this heart,
When I see you…
(Si) Let it go!
(I) I can’t be silent anymore.
For the first time I feel this way.
It’s hard to believe, I know…
I truly. With purest love.
(Si) (Smiles) Let me go. I’m leaving.
(I) I’m not letting you go now.
When I see you,
Sleeping in that room of yours,
Your smell, in the room.
Now everywhere I go I feel that smell.
It has soaked into my brain,
That smell.
Allow me just once.
(He leans to kiss her)
(back in the room)
(S) I have a destiny,
I can afford losing time,
I’m not one of those who has something to say,
I’m one of those who will say something.
No, no, that is very important so that I succeed in describing that suppressing feeling.
That desire to run, to hide, to wait.
Later in prison did I realize that for me imprisonment has started earlier.
Principles, which punish me,
I am applying them for myself for a long time. A long long time…
I am a product of a global society.
I’m afraid that my face will become one of those.
You know, one of those faces. (to the audience)
It is better do deform it: with wrinkles, scars, to paint eyes with defiance to pre-formed expressions and phrases.
To be silent. To watch scornfully, to spit anger, to offend with gestures.
I don't know other way to fight it.
I don't feel my body. I have no feelings. Except one.
Disdain.
(Si) What are shouting here, Jake? Go to sleep!
(Corridor again)
(I) Am I ugly to you?
(Si) Horrible.
(I) So you don’t love me.
(Si) What!? No, I don't love you. How could I? I barely know you.
(I) And you couldn't love me?
(Si) No.
(He roughly grabs her)
(I) I’m a monster. I! I don't know how to be gentle and nice to you.
(kisses her)
(I) Again, again, again!
(Si) No! You want that? Like this? Rape me, animal.
(She takes his hand, puts it against her breasts)
Take me. Grab me. Kiss me.
(She kisses him, Interrogator backs from her)
(I) You love him!
(Si) That is none of your business.
SCENE IV
(S) And do you know how I came up with that… That idea?
To kill. (To the Interrogator)
I was thinking. I was lying in our small room with low ceilings
I wasn’t talking. I didn't read anything. I had no interest in what was going on around.
I wanted it to be one hundred percent me.
Me. The void.
***
It’s a strange feeling, Interrogator.
In those days, nights, to be more exact, when I went to streets.
I was walking around for hours, talking to people.
And nothing.
I didn’t see anything around, I was back to our apartment on the fourth floor without noticing how.
Read! (gives a paper to the Interrogator)
(I) No.
(S) Read it aloud. Okay, I will read it.
(Reads disjointedly)
I’m writing this from the heart.
I’m writing without correcting mistakes, I hope it will be clear enough (laughs)
(I) Give it back!
(S) I want to say something, to explain.
And I know it will be shame to see you everyday.
I decided to do that anyway.
It wouldn’t succeed if it was done in words and it was impossible for me to suffer any longer.
(I) Give it back!
(S) I know that from the start… (Unable to read)
To change myself, to free myself, but my look has become dark.
I saw you yesterday. You know, I felt fear before coming to you.
I hoped you would be asleep so I could secretly watch you.
I’m afraid of your look.
(I) Jake, I’m telling you, give it back!
(S) I was looking at your sheets and I was thinking how warm should it be inside them.
I know I have started it wrong with you.
I believed in this raw energy. Perfectly real, changing.
To change myself, to free myself. But my look became dark. Hmm...
Further it’s lalala blalala...
(I) You can go.
(S) Did he kill?
(I) Who? What are you talking about?
(S) In Crime and Punishment?
(I) Raskolnikov? Yes.
SCENE V
(Si) What are you talking? What are you talking? What are you talking? What are you talking?
(S) He’s coming soon, you can show your… obedience.
Oh, such a value! You are quick to react to situations and so proud when you have to be.
You know, you’re better than me.
You know how to enjoy things.
You say and he talks so nicely. (laughs)
You’re such a girl, a kid.
But you understand, you perfectly understand when you have to…
Go now, refresh yourself a little.
Don’t be afraid, I won’t notice. And he…
He? That fool is blind for you.
(Si) You call people fools.
Sometimes I’m asking myself, do you know how to love at all?
(S) Manager. (laughs) Tell me, what do managers do!?
(Si) You’re sick.
(S) Fucking reality. There’s nothing real left in it.
Just some trite phrases and chops.
Alien, self content, cheekily grinning chops.
(Si) God help, I hope you are sick.
(S) Did you see? His chop. (laughs)
You’ll kiss it?
How many years you will be kissing it? Ten? You’ll be waking up next to him for ten years?
I’d rather be in prison.
(Si) Stop it! Shut up! Shut up! You’re so unhappy.
I’m afraid of you.
(S) I can’t, I can't, stop the suffering! Enough, leave… I can’t do it anymore!..
(Si) I’m leaving.
(She packs her things.)
(S) Where are you going?!
Where will you go, I’m asking you?
(Si) I’m leaving! I had enough.
(S) To him?
SCENE VI
(Some time later, in the room: Student, Interrogator. Student scratches the wall)
(I) Jake, don't tear down the wall.
(S) Take the drill. No, better take an axe. It’s tucked there… Give it to me!
(I) There is nothing there, Jake.
(Student bangs the wall)
(S) Fucking whores!
(I) You’ll be sorry later, Jake.
(S) Can you hear it!? Can you fucking hear it!?
(I) Don’t, Jake.
(S) Get out of there, show your… Chops.
(I) There’s nothing in there, Jake.
(S) It’s an insult!
(I) I’m telling you, think about it…
(S) I had enough! Fucking fuck!
(I) Think about it, will they sit behind the wall and listen?
(S) I know they are listening.
(I) Even if they are listening, they won’t be behind the wall, Jake.
(S) Why do we need that wall?!
(I) There’s nothing there, no one lives there.
Let’s go outside, huh? And what for, I say. We’ll freshen up a bit.
(S) Listen, bitches! Listen! Listen to everyone, every single one! (shouts at the wall)
****
(in the yard)
(I) It’s dawn.
You think she’ll be back? (About his sister)
(Silence)
(S) I’ll go to look for her.
(I) You need to sleep. She’s at mother’s.
(S) I know you care.
(I) Maybe it’s a good thing she left.
(S) You pretend to be like this.
(I) Like what?
(S) So colorless.
(I) I am sure for some things.
(S) You shouldn’t be. You love her.
(Silence)
Sometimes I hate people and all this is nothing.
It’s better to love.
(I) And Sonya from the first year… Did you love her, Jake? Or hated her?
(S) Then everything was mixed. I couldn't take it so I left.
(I) Was it the reason you dropped the school? Not the money?
(S) I couldn’t take it anymore.
(I) Are you sorry?
(S) For studies? No, I’m not.
(I) And are you sorry for her?
(S) I chose it like that. It is the most important thing, to choose. I refused success. I refused the idea I will get lucky. Everything seemed empty and pitiful. I’m bigger than… I wanted it different, more beautiful, more meaningful. Everything has mixed up.
(I) Trolleybuses are already running.
(S) I was taken by anger.
(I) It’s gall, Jake.
(S) I hated myself for that.
(I) You care too much.
(S) I still hate myself.
(Quickly stands up)
If I won’t be back… Take care of her. Take her, she’s yours. (laughs)
(I) You’re delirious again…
(S) Be patient. You’ll see it will be your way…
SCENE VII
(S) Forty, maybe older. Drunk at that bar, climbing on a middle aged man.
It is very distracting, I have to be concentrated on the most important event. To think…!
She claps her hands, straightens and raises them. Tongue’s out, turning round, around, slowly.
She puts his both hands on her breasts, her drunk boobs. At the same time her husband comes out of the bathroom, also drunk.
That friend of theirs gets off his hands and raises them, grinning, swinging his arms and going along. And that milf, grinning, cheerfully yelling with drunk joy, going after him.
Oh, lighted a cigarette! I wonder, what are they doing, are they working, tomorrow it’s Friday. When will they go to sleep, will they get smashed before sleep. Just drank shots. Will it make them more drunk? What then? They wash these shots with beer… Maybe I should have a beer?
Her head down, so drunk. She’s trying to seduce that silent one, but he’s so stumpy, he just smiles and knows what’s coming…
(The company sings)
Happy birthday, happy birthday... Happy birthday to you...
Birthday, that’s why they got drunk and now they will go away. She freed her hair and now she’s dropped her head and tries to tie them again. I’m excited, for this molly, I have a hard on. She’s smoking, weaving around, she’s saying something, she probably has never been beautiful. She’s totally smashed. The one who reads the newspaper is also watching them.
I can’t dive into that state! I have to see everything: what is around, what people, what things…
Save, save, save, save. Ah!
They are dancing, I need to dance with them but how could I, after spending the night in the corner… I need air.
Look how they are dancing!
One is leaving. Yeah… It’s taking long to say goodbye. I’m worried… Look, her cheeks are blowing from the alcohol, she’s so smashed she can’t stand.
They are dancing, not going anywhere. The old man seemed calm, must have sobered up. Moving, dressed with a tracksuit.
Rhythm, hm, everyone likes to feel the rhythm, it seems it’s impossible otherwise… If all the world would be beaten out of rhythm, then the rhythm changes… To shock, to shatter so that everyone would know, everyone would think, at least for a short while. It’s not news, not the news of a day, but the news which is slowly soaking in.
I would like to watch her face now. I have a hard on, she’s so drunk. There are no seats closer to her, her eyes are closing.
Maybe nothing is going to happen if I don’t see it?
I think nothing is going to see me.
Tongue out, touches her breast, puts her own hand into her pants, pulls it up, her fat and panties are visible. What panties, that’s knickers!
Imbecility, everything’s just a madness. I have talked myself into this.
And now I’m like programmed. Maybe it’s not even my idea.
I finished my beer but I’m leaving after them. I’ll be back whenever I like. Real people, old people, are much more interesting.
(Woman puts her head on the bar and shouts “I love rock n roll...”)
She took off the jacket again, her violet knickers and fat are visible again.
I have a hard on, she has quite an ass. I want to touch it, I want her to put her tongue out.
Men are smashed, I’ll follow them.
Going on the street. I’ll tell it, I’ll stand up and tell it all!
When I had to, I was just standing… Light was shining to my eyes, it seemed like everything had stopped even though I understood that for them time was running much faster than to me.
Be careful! I could for them… They were too far, I didn’t catch up with them. I tried to help them, I pulled them. Was it too late? Dead, they are dead.
Some workers turned up and asked if I saw everything.
He started shaking, foam in his mouth, he tried to say something.
And that molly, sprawled out on the road, without signs of life, with her violet knickers.
SCENE VIII
(S) You’re back?
(Si) You’re so dirty.
Are you drinking?
Tell me!
Answer me!
(S) (Pours water into a bowl) What are you going to serve?
No one, no one.
(Washes his feet)
What are you looking at?
(Si) You have fever.
(S) You would like to wash them for me. Not gonna happen. Stand there!
(Si) You’ve been loafing around all night, look, you have fever.
(S) Stand there and watch, here, wait till I wash it.
Maybe then I will let you to empty the bowl.
(Si) (Takes his clothes)
But this is blood.
(S) Blood? What blood?
Ah, blood. Uh-huh, blood.
(Si) Whose blood?
(Comes to him and caresses his head) Whose blood is it!
(S) I don’t need sorrow!
You’re funny.
(Si) Bother, did you do something? Where were you all night?
(S) I don’t remember. I was walking down the river, looking for you… I wanted to finish there but… I couldn’t… I was standing on the water and I was thinking… Is it pride?
(Si) It is pride, Jake.
(S) Don’t you think, sis, that I was just scared of water?
